Maybe It's Time to do Some Unlearning!
Maybe It's Time to do Some Unlearning!
by Anita Moorjani
It’s becoming more and more common for people to feel that they need to learn more to be better at something, read more in order to improve on themselves or their lives, etc. And when things are not going the way we want, or life is not giving us what we want, the first thing we do is look for what more we need to learn or read up on or find out, in order for life to work for us. I often hear people say things like “But I am perpetually learning, and open to learning new things all the time. Why is it that I’m still not getting it right?” Or, “Why is it that no matter how many new skills I learn, I’m still not succeeding?”
Our default seems to be to always pursue more information. But what if that is actually the cause of the problem? What if that is the cause of our confusion, and we don’t actually need to learn anything more or new, but we actually need to "unlearn", or let go of some of what we believe we already know?
Maybe it’s what we already know that is causing us the problems, and preventing us from moving in the direction we want it to go. Is it possible, that in this age where information is force fed to us, at a pace faster than we can handle, we are actually learning too much too quickly, and perhaps we need to slow down and even go back and revisit some of what we think we know, but is no longer serving us? Not only could some of our core beliefs no longer be serving us, but it could also be working against us, preventing us from experiencing deeper levels of happiness and joy. And it’s also possible that some “unlearning” and releasing of our cherished beliefs can lead us towards more clarity and authenticity.
For most of us, our fundamental and underlying beliefs are invisible to us. These are the beliefs at our very core, which have been shaped and influenced by our culture, society, parents, peers, etc. The reason why these beliefs are invisible is because we formed them when we were very young, and when we formed them, everyone around us shared those same beliefs and values. And most of us didn’t even consciously choose those beliefs – they were handed down to us, by our society or culture. Yet those beliefs then helped us to shape our self-image and identity – which may or may not even be accurate or authentic. But we rarely, if ever, question our fundamental core values and beliefs, so they become our truth. They become the core from which we operate.
Everything we think and do today comes at the end of a very long train of thoughts, beliefs and ideas that has been constructed over our lifetime. All our stories about ourselves, our beliefs about our abilities, our strengths, our weaknesses, our ideas, etc. are all linked and intertwined with everything else.
Now imagine if the fundamental (and invisible) beliefs out of which our lifetime’s train of thoughts have sprung from, are no longer serving us – or worse, perhaps they are not even true, and are actually working against us. In fact, maybe the entire train of thoughts, ideas and beliefs we built over our lifetime was to support that belief which was not even true. Then no amount of additional skills or knowledge we add to it will actually work in the way we hope, as our choice of information may be continuing to feed that myth.
So why does this happen? One of the possible reasons is that, as children, we may have been discouraged from questioning too much. It seems to be human nature to question, as most children are full of questions from the time they can speak, and they question just about everything and anything. But as we get older, we may get discouraged from questioning, and may start to conform to the beliefs and ideas of those around us. We soon realize that the adults around us are happier with our behavior when we stop questioning and start to conform.
Over time however, for some of us, conforming can feel like being handcuffed or chained. For many, the fact that they have spent a lifetime conforming may even be invisible to them. However, conforming restricts our movement and limits our potential and our freedom. That is, our freedom to learn, grow and change, and to express ourselves authentically.
So now, as adults who may have lost our authenticity and forgotten who we are, we have spent a lifetime gathering information and adding layers upon layers of knowledge onto our personas, how do we now begin to backtrack and unlearn what is no longer necessary to know or believe in, and what may in fact be blocking us from our truth?
One of the simplest ways I can think of is to go back to being as a child, full of curiosity and questioning. We can start by questioning even the most ordinary every-day events of our life, such as, why can’t we eat dinner type foods for breakfast and vice versa? So try having bananas and cereal for dinner, and soup and salad for breakfast! Why do we have to eat 3 meals a day? Try having 5 meals, and see what that feels like. Why do I have to eat them at approximately the same time each day? Try just eating whenever you are hungry, and not worry about how many meals, or what time. Why do I have to sleep 8 hours a day? Why do I have to go to bed at around the same time every night? Try going to bed whenever you feel sleepy and waking up when you feel like.
Also, challenge beliefs you may be holding onto, like “only hard work pays off”. What if that’s not true? What if the most successful people only do what they enjoy and make sure that their work is fun? Or another belief – “I must not disappoint anyone!” Does that mean I am willing to let myself down, so as not to disappoint another? Have I spent a lifetime doing this unconsciously? What would happen if I was willing to disappoint another in order to be authentic to myself?
One of the most liberating things we can do, as authors of our own lives, is to question everything. Not for the sake of being difficult or rebellious, but for the sake of unlearning our previous assumptions, as well as for the sake of learning who we truly are, what we are, and what we really believe beyond the social conditioning, the weight of expectations, the years of mental and emotional programming and beyond the pressure of group thinking.
So, are we ready to commit to unlearning at least one thing every day?
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