Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten, either directly or indirectly, to punish us if we don't do what they want.
Emotional blackmail typically involves two people who have established a close personal or intimate relationship (mother and daughter, husband and wife, sister and sister, two close friends). Children, too, will employ special pleading and emotional blackmail to promote their own interests, and self-development, within the family system.
Emotional blackmailers use fear, obligation and guilt in their relationships, ensuring that others feel afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way and swamped by guilt if they resist. Knowing that someone close to them wants love, approval or confirmation of identity and self-esteem, blackmailers may threaten to withhold them or take them away altogether, making the person feel they must earn them by agreement. Fear, obligation or guilt is commonly referred to as "FOG". FOG is a contrived acronym—a play on the word fog which describes something that obscures and confuses a situation or someone's thought processes.
The person who is acting in a controlling way often wants something from the other person that is legitimate to want. They may want to feel loved, safe, valuable, appreciated, supported, needed, etc. This is not the problem. The problem is often more a matter of how they are going about getting what they want, or that they are insensitive to others needs in doing so that is troubling - and how others react to all of this.
Under pressure... one may become a sort of hostage, forced to act under pressure of the threat of responsibility for the other's breakdown. and could fall into a pattern of letting the blackmailer control his/her decisions and behavior, lost in what Doris Lessing described as "a sort of psychological fog".
Forward and Frazier identify four blackmail types each with their own mental manipulation style:
- Punisher's Threat - Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt you.
- Self-punisher's Threat - Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt myself.
- Sufferer's Threat - Eat the food I cooked for you. I was saving it for myself. I wonder what will happen now.
- Tantalizer's Threat - Eat the food I cooked for you and you just may get a really yummy dessert.
There are different levels of demands... demands that are of little consequence, demands that involve important issues or personal integrity, demands that affect major life decisions, and/or demands that are dangerous or illegal.
Addictions
Addicts often believe that being in control is how to achieve success and happiness in life. People who follow this rule use it as a survival skill, having usually learned it in childhood. As long as they make the rules, no one can back them into a corner with their feelings.
Mental Illness
People with certain mental conditions are predisposed to controlling behavior including those with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Paranoid Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
People with borderline personality disorder are particularly likely to use emotional blackmail,[10] (as too are the destructive narcissists). However, their actions may be impulsive and driven by fear and a desperate sense of hopelessness, rather than being the product of any conscious plan.
Codependency
Codependency often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.
Affluenza and children
Affluenza — the status insecurity derived from obsessively keeping up with the Joneses — has been linked by Oliver James to a pattern of childhood training whereby sufferers were "subjected to a form of emotional blackmail as toddlers. Their mothers' love becomes conditional on exhibiting behavior that achieved parental goals."
Assertiveness movement, training
People have been told to do some pretty obnoxious things in the name of assertiveness - like blankly repeating some request over and over until you got your way. The line between repeatedly demanding with sanctions ("broken record") versus coercive nagging, emotional blackmail, or bullying, could be a fine one.
Are you a victim of emotional blackmail or are guilty of emotional blackmail, think about this. One of the issues that I have come across is codependency, if you are having this issue with a friend or loved one, you can ask the dowsing system to help resolve it.
Firstly you might like to check if there is a spirit of codependency present, if yes, ask your dowsing system to transmute it into freedom or love. Next thing is to remove the emotions of the beliefs, thoughts and memories of the person that prevents them from feeling loved, appreciated and wanted. Take the neutralized energy and transform into the most appropriate energy for them to feel loved, appreciated and wanted. (check if their ancestors need to be cleared too)
Balance the blood flow to their brain, balance the left/right hemispheres of their brain and their brain chemistry. Brain chemistry is an important thing to balance daily, brain chemistry balance is a good indicator of how mentally stable a person is, you can do this by checking the brain chemistry balance a few times a day at regular intervals. If this is not balance each time you check, you can definitely assume that this person has some kind of mental, emotional distress.
Recently with the energy changes, mental stability is a major issue, so please remember to balance your brain regularly for clarity and peace.
Thank you.
Love
Alan
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